I know I've seen a few posts like this but figured I'd go a head and vent a bit. I started down a journey years ago after getting out of a very long and very bad relationship into exploring further into the kink world. This quickly lead to me meeting a fantastic woman who was a switch. Now I was young, 20 at the time, but she was my introduction and my mentor into it. With her over the 6 months that we spent time together she taught me almost everything I know about my kinks, proper ways of exploring and doing them, and how to safely push myself to dive deeper into them.

Now this all ended after only 6 months as I moved for work. This is where my problem is. Since then, I have not been able to explore any further. Dating apps, social media, ect. I've found some things that play a bit to my fetishes but actually finding a proper domme... idk haven't been able to find. And after years and years of trying and failing... it has started to take a toll on my mental health.

Between fake domme, scams, and just general dating, where relationships were ended upon disclosing that I wanted to be submissive, I've Just had no luck. And this has resulted in me pulling back from even reaching out to try and explore. And the times I do, or the times I'm open and try to explain... I get met with rejection.

Between feeling my self esteem plummet, I find myself frequently telling myself it's because I'm not good enough, or good looking enough, or some other reason that is my fault. This has lead to some depression and finally I think for my own sake I just need to step away from this and leave it in the past. I'm trying to come to terms if I can or how I would even move on as it feels sorta ingrained. I don't know. I've just had this one my mind and figured I'd have a bit of a vent. Thanks for listening to my rant.