Hello there!

So I'm not technically new just as I've had a look around on this subreddit for a couple of months now, but I'm new in the sense that this is my first post on here.

I suppose I should also preface this by saying that I'm arguably just on the cusp of being into Gentle Femdom - I'd say that I'm perhaps into a few things that could be seen as the 'grey area' as I've developed as a submissive.

But anyway, to get to the crux of why I'm posting:

I've been into kink for well over 10 - 11 years now and started embracing myself as a submissive probably mostly around my 18th birthday.

In that time, I've had a host of different experiences including Pro Domme sessions, casual play at events with friends and one or two relationships that have contained hints of Femdom/BDSM (Vanilla at their core though really).

Last month, I decided to put myself back onto the apps so to speak (I also put up some new personals on the relevant subreddits on here too) and see perhaps where things are with online dating, or more specifically, online dating as someone into kink.

So far, it's been a pretty dry experience - the few matches I've had have been non-starters with one even stating that they were only on the app for Findom (which is more than ok, but, confusing when you promote yourself as a soft Domme first and foremost but I digress)

I seem to feel like the popular apps - Bumble, Hinge, Tinder etc, don't really cater all too well for people who are interested in or even involved in kink.

Which to be honest, was something I was prepared for and was why I created a bio that includes mentions of kink and Femdom.

A friend then told me about Feeld and Fet (not Fetlife, the Fetish.com app) where they felt I would be much more likely to perhaps connect with others who would be much more compatible in terms of what I'm looking for.

Unfortunately again, I've been experiencing some shortcomings with both of these:

Feeld seems to be centered around a large pool of people who are either Poly or practicing ENM which isn't what I'm looking for - I'm hoping to find a Monogamous partner.

And the Fet app was great for the first few days, but since then, seems to have a dwindling user base and an unfortunate amount of fake accounts and scam artists doing the rounds (which I guess, is to be expected)

So to circle back around to the title of this post, I'm currently weighing up the possibility of joining one of the paid dating websites like Match.com or eHarmony to perhaps see if that might yield some better results.

I also feel like the apps I mentioned previously all focus quite heavily on photo 'swipe culture' and determining initial attraction based on appearances which I don't think is my strong suit. (I'm more proud of my personality instead)

And the third prong to this line of thinking is that I am gradually starting to feel that I might be looking for someone more mature (in attitude and perhaps, age) to start an exciting, new and kinky chapter with.

So with all this being said, I thought I would try and see what the general consensus around whether I might see more success searching for a Dominant partner on these types of websites?

I have considered that the monthly cost is quite hefty in order to just become visible to others, but I also feel like it's almost like an investment for a happy future (if, of course, it wouldn't prove to be too much of a waste of time)

I appeciate that this was an extremely long post and thank you for taking the time to read through it all if you have.

Any advice and feedback is greatly appreciated and valued, thank you 😊