Hey Reddit. Call me crazy, but this sub was the first place I could think of to look for some support.

Background: i’m currently going through a divorce. The last few years of my marriage, I was neglected emotionally, touch starved, and treated like I was dangerous. In the first year of marriage, my ex & I were both physically abusive towards each other a couple times, though I never hit her - just restrained her when she would physically lash out. We went to counseling very quickly, and made immediate progress that we never went back on. But for some reason, 5 years later she started treating me like she felt unsafe. My theory on the reason behind this is bc my ex had 2 friends at the time that were in actively abusive relationships and the women regularly goaded & taunted the men. I witnessed it firsthand on a couple occasions. But I digress. My ex always wanted me to be dominant in the bedroom, but I tended to spend more time in a sub mindset than a dom, and intentionally switching was hard for me. In short, communication was terrible and she would get upset with me and make a big deal whenever I would express that I was uncomfortable, or not really feeling the dom energy she was looking for. You get where this is going. My home life/marriage felt unsafe bc it was volatile and I was treated like I was going to fly off the handlebars any minute though I didn’t do anything to warrant that, and I actively tried to heal that, together by talking & asking for couples counseling. So, naturally, I really started wanting a gentle femdom experience with someone that’s kind, communicative, etc.

Fast forward 6 months and I’m now seeing a very sub girl with way more kink experience than I have, and she (gently) informs me that she thinks I’m a switch, but domming might be hard for me bc I’m afraid of/don’t trust myself. Coincidentally, the topic of being afraid of myself actually came up in therapy just a couple weeks ago.

Do you have any advice, blogs, books, etc you could recommend for switches or doms that address insecurity or fear in our own desires/relationships? I agree with the little sub queen’s assessment and I want to heal & grow.

Tysm ☺️