I am 30 AMAB and identify as genderfluid. About 3 years ago I explored my gender identity and at the time thought I was MtF and underwent cross hormone treatment and laser hair removal for my beard and body hair. Since then I have settled into a more fluid/non-binary identity and am still taking HRT.

I would say that most days I feel like a fairly unisex presenting girl or a soft/pretty/androgynous guy, but there are still regular days where I feel like a completely masculine presenting guy and slightly rarer days where I feel like an overly feminine presenting girl. On the days where I feel masculine I get really dysphoric about not being able to grow facial hair anymore. Like I will see old photos of myself and it will trigger huge knots in my stomach and waves of regret. I guess I see myself as having been very handsome before I transitioned and quite sexy with a bit of facial hair. Now I look more like a very young, baby faced, feminine guy. I guess its this huge feeling of loss and grief I get knowing that I have changed myself forever, but it comes and goes. I also feel that being surrounded by so many hipster guys and male beard trends these days, I feel very odd and for some reason I feel that my appearance makes me less attractive to females when all the ones I see are hanging off fairly hairy blokes. I don't know if anyone on here has had similar experiences or insights on this?