Frankly I had always questioned my identity. I have adhd and bpd, and both of those combined with my more conservative upbringing did not help me with my identity crisis. When I went through puberty, my voice dropped SIGNIFICANTLY. Dramatically. Deep, loud, booming. Naturally it softened up a tiny bit on its own when I got used to it. I’ve always been a soft speaker. But as I grew taller and my voice continued to adapt to it, my mother wasn’t having it.

She had an abusive upbringing which ended up turning her into a full blown narcissist and finding herself to be the victim in every situation. She is a very quick to anger person so whenever she’d scream at me and I’d raise my voice back, not even on the same level as her she’s smack it down. Hard. Sometimes literally threatening to punch me or smack me in the face, or just outright doing it. Eventually I lost access to a certain depth in my voice. It became even softer than ever. Effeminate. You couldn’t talk to her about this. She gaslit me into believing my deep voice was an attempt to make her feel small and weak and that my femme voice was my real voice. She’s done this before. She once punched me in the face bc she said she had to do it first before I hit her. Or telling me she’s terrified I’m going to send her to the hospital someday when I hit her.

I’VE NEVER HIT MY MOTHER. Jfc. Well her son is genderfluid now and if that upsets her maybe she can punch me again and say it’s my fault.