My husband and I have known each other and been together a year. He's genderfluid in that he identifies as a male but not as a man. We're both queer but I am a cis woman who came out way later than him and just don't have as much experience/time in the queer community or with genderfluid or trans folks as he does.

Today it came up he's known I don't see his full gender spectrum for what it is and is, rightfully, hurting him. I am gutted, devastated, and hate myself in that he doesn't feel safe to be whole in our home and with me. I admit that my brain does buck sometimes because he is very masc presenting and I'm very aware that presentation doesn't equal identity as someone who's been misgendered a lot.

He says he knows I'll be able to see him completely but it'll just take time. I've asked how to better show up and he says internalize it.

I'm just reaching out to see if folks have any other or additional advice. I'm really fucking torn up.