I (50) was just dumped by my bf (28) of almost 4 years. He isn’t perfect; he suffers from alcoholism and depression and struggles with basic life skills because his wealthy father has always taken care of everything for him and made all his life decisions for him. He doesn’t seem to have any goals in life aside from drinking, smoking weed, playing video games and watching anime. But he has a good heart and has always been very loving and affectionate with me, more than in my last relationship (with someone my age). Early on he wanted to move in together, but I was the one who wanted to slow things down a bit. Eventually though, we got a great apartment together and tried to make a home.

I have always wanted to guide and teach him things that he needs to know, but it has sometimes been a struggle. I’ve always tried to to treat him well, but sometimes I’ve lost patience with his lack of ambition. I haven’t always dealt with his compulsive behaviors properly, but I always try to change my own behavior to be more understanding and patient. But earlier this year he decided that he needs his own space apart from me and moved into a condo that his father bought him. Even though he had his own place, he was abd has been still spending most nights of the week here with me. I was trying to be very understanding of his need for independence but he seems to really love being here still.

But then I introduced him to a younger friend of mine and they started seeing each other behind my back. This other guy is a total narcissist and has been trying to break us up ever since, flattering my bf and smearing me to him every chance he got. My ex doesn’t have the insight or wisdom to see past this guy’s manipulations and refuses to stop seeing him even though it hurts me. This became a frequent argument between us, and he finally decided that we need to break up.

I’m trying very hard to understand that he needs to make his own mistakes and live his own life. But it hurts that I am left alone while they are together. I know eventually this guy will show his true colors and turn his crazy onto my ex. My ex still wants to be close to me and spends some time here still just less frequently than before. I know he values me and cares for me a lot. He likes what we have, but he doesn’t want the responsibilities and obligations of being anyone’s boyfriend. I knew from the start that young guys eventually need to move on with their lives, but I had grown very attached to my ex and I miss him so much. It’s very hard to let go of him completely. I am now trying to meet other boys and get on with my own life. But it’s been very hard and I have been depressed about it. I keep hoping that after some time time apart, he will realize what he had with me and come back to me. But I know I can’t count on that happening.

For now, I will take whatever he can give me. Hopefully this gets easier. But one thing this is taught me is that I really do crave a relationship with a younger guy who will appreciate me. I like creating a home and making a boy feel safe and cared for.

Just wanted to vent and see if anybody has any advice for getting through this. Maybe other older guys can relate but also maybe some younger guys who have been in this situation can provide some insight.