...then we (well I) decided to never speak/see each other (him) again.

How do I move on???

Last February, I (23) met an older guy (51). A few months into our friendship we decided- fuck it- let's hook up. We went pretty well till February of this year, when I broke it off because I realized I was catching feelings and he did not feel the same. [At least I thought he didn't. He never told me how he felt tbh. It's hard to explain but he never said whether he liked me back or not. I took his lack of a repsonse when I told him how I felt as a repsonse.) Anyway, I let him know I could not continue to have sex with him and talk to him everyday.

He respected my decision and left me alone till a month later. Randomly he hits me up. It was about 3 weeks into March and he had sent a late "happy birthday" message. I was finally moving on from him... or so I thought????

We sorta rekindled from the month apart and went right back into talking. And sex (kinda. Just foreplay.) And the feelings rushed back in.

A few weeks ago, he tells me he did have feelings for me. But then he had to drop me home before work so we couldn't talk much about it. Ran out of time.

Fast forward to this past Monday night, I am at his place again. We're cuddling. I feel so good. He's happy. Rubbing me. It was almost so easy to just let everything stay the same. But I sprung right up and told him we needwd to talk. I couldn't do the back and forth and that we really needed to talk about what we each wanted.

He makes it clear he likes me. And says he'd like to date, but says I'd never be able to meet his family. He would never come out. I am in love with this man. Never felt this way before about anyone. But I am living my truth. I wanna be proud of the man I'm with and would love for the person to be proud to be with me.

I get why some people aren't out. And I don't judge. But I cannot be with someone who is not yet ready to live their truth.

I told him I couldn't see him again. I couldn't come over. I couldn't have sex with him (not that we were doing it much since January anyway, lol).

I don't think I made the wrong decision. But how do I start moving on? I have never dated anyone. And shit- still haven't because technically he and I were never official. But hearing him say "it feels like we're breaking up." Seeing the tears form in his eyes. Knowing I wanted nothing more than for us to work out.

I just want to forget that he and I ever happened. 🥺🥺