I have been active on the gyo dating subreddit a lot in recent weeks. I’m almost 50 and interested in making connections with young men that are slender and fit (I’m a big guy and it’s what I find attractive.) But it seems so many of the young men I meet on line or on the dating apps, want very rough, very kinky sex. I love to have lingering, consensual and sensual experiences with my partners. I want to be lovers, even if only for a moment or a season.

I have turned down multiple opportunities to hook up or online date, however, because the younger man is so insistent on being verbally abused or physically restrained or even physically assaulted somehow. Why is this? Why must we have these dom/sub roles? Or at least, why is it such an expectation for young men 18-25? As a survivor of an abusive home, it not only turns me off, but I find it traumatic. As someone who is new to this culture, I don’t understand how the kinks became the expectation.

Less importantly, I also don’t get guys who like to suck cock, but don’t want theirs sucked. I mean, you don’t have to tell me the obvious “some guys just don’t like it” but isn’t that the fun of being with another man? You get to have your cock and eat it, too? It seems so expected on the apps in particular that it’s one or the other you are either the sucker or the sucked but not both - at least in the “daddy” genre.