I have always been sure about the fact that i ONLY liked older/matured men. I come from a country where most older (gay/bi) men are in a straight marriage either due to societal pressure or any other unknown reason. Whichever older man I see/chat to/like on Grindr turns out to be married and is just looking to hookup besides their marriage.
At 30, i have had my fair share of hookups and understood that they majorly lack what i really look for in this life in the romantic space. I seek a partner, who i can call my own and can be with me in the lows as well the highs. I want to live a happy, romantic, monogamous life with an older man.
As a software engineer, most of my materialistic requirements are fulfilled. The more i make money, the more i realize that money cannot really fulfill everything. It feels like i need a man in my life.

I sought the type of guy i look for on almost every local platform i know of such as Grindr/PlanetRomeo/Scruff/Facebook amongst others. NO LUCK. Only hookups. At point i started feeling pathetic to even open these apps.

Now, i have started to develop a constant desire to be with a man. I am mostly in a state of frustration for wanting a man constantly but not getting anyone. Neither is there any hope as the situation in my country is different for gay age-gap dating due to the unavailability of a single older man. I see most of you guys writing post about falling in love with their landlord or teacher etc. I feel massive FOMO because this is what i want badly in my life too.

I have no idea what to do next.

Comments appreciated.