For the last 3 years of my life since living with my father I have been getting physically abused for being attracted to men. As a trans guy, I’m glad he sees me as a his son but I’m unfortunately attracted to men. Everything I do he doesn’t like he corrects me for it by swinging at me. I act like I’m fine with being gay online because the best they can do is words (even those people can say some of the most dehumanizing shit) but a lesbian asked me the other day IRL ig if I was gay after she seen my wallpaper on my phone (I pass well enough to be seen as male) & I said no, which might be a lie. Every time I think about anything gay or feel like I’ve stared at men for too long I will call myself a faggot. It’s even worse when my dad catches me doing it, the one time my dad did catch me staring at another boy when we were in walmart he waited until we got into his car to punch me & slam my head against the window & told me to never do the f slur shit again in front of people in public & when I’m with him.