i’ve had a lot of worries and anxieties about having piv sex for the last two years or so, and those anxieties have really been ramping up as of late. and i could really use some help and advice, and hopefully some reassurance.

with only two exceptions, every time i’ve attempted to have penetrative sex i’ve had problems with physical discomfort and often bleeding. it’s probably to do with atrophy from being on T, and maybe my pcos as well?? i’m not sure about that one though. i’ve managed to have sex twice where there’s been no bleeding, and i didn’t feel as much physical discomfort during it, but being fingered was still a little uncomfortable and i was stressed about it happening again the entire time, to the point where i couldn’t fully enjoy it as much as i wanted to.

and ever since the second or third time it happened, i’ve just been wracked with anxiety and fear and, honestly, shameful about it. i’ve been so scared that maybe i just can’t have penetrative sex without that pain and occasional bleeding, even though i’m very much a bottom and want that so badly.

i will say though, i’ve never really had any of those problems solo, and the last time i had sex (the hookup i’ve talked about in my previous posts) was by far the most comfortable and had the most foreplay. it still wasn’t that much, they fingered me a bit, i’ve still never received oral of any kind ever in my life, no one has ever wanted to (which is definitely something that fuels my insecurities of being undesirable, i’ve talked about that in my previous posts as well) and i always feel weird asking for things sexually so i never do. i’m scared of rejection, the other person/people thinking i’m weird/gross/ugly/selfish/etc, even though that means i’ve never really gotten what i’ve wanted out of a sexual experience.

so yeah, do you guys have any advice on any of those fronts? hopefully some reassurance that i’m not physically and/or sexually broken?