[reposting because i forgot to spoiler tag somehow lmao. thank you very much to the person who replied the first time!!]

this isn’t a super serious vent or anything btw. for literal years i’ve had the issue of talking to a prospective hookup or something along those lines online, and then one of two things inevitably happens (with only one exception ftr). either a) once the guy gets serious and mentions actually wanting to meet up, i freak the fuck out and Horny Brain immediately turns off and i figuratively leg it from the conversation. or b) the guy actually comes over and i immediately go into “time to talk about my interests because i’m suddenly extremely anxious about everything” mode and the hookup just doesn’t happen and i talk about how good bugsnax is instead lmao.

i think it’s for a few reasons. for one, aside from the singular successful hookup i’ve ever had, i’ve never been with a Dick Haver, and even in that one hookup it was just the other guy fucking me doggystyle (which was good, i’m not complaining) but aside from them fingering me beforehand there was no other foreplay. so i’ve never sucked a dick or even touched one with my hand and my sheer inexperience makes me very very anxious. ftr i have had a lot of experience with other transmascs, as well as non-sexual kink (also with other transmascs) so i do have that going for me ig. but that doesn’t change the fact that i’ve never sucked a dick and am scared that i’ll do something wrong because i don’t know what i’m doing.

and another reason is definitely my body issues, being a pretty big and hairy dude makes me feel pretty insecure and i always have the fear of a guy seeing my body in person and/or naked and being disgusted or getting angry or something.

i think it is mostly the inexperience though. so if y’all have any advice on how to Do A Sex™️ please help me lmao. like, how do you suck a dick? what if the guy is uncut, does that make a difference? what if the guy is too big? because the one time i bottomed the guy was pretty average (i think) and it was still a bit of a struggle for me. what do i do if a guy wants anal and i’ve never done it before? because a lot of dudes on grindr assume i do anal and want that and it scares me ngl. and how do i even deal with the anxiety in the first place? because i don’t like the way i always chicken out and then regret it immediately.