for context i’m transmasc (they/he/it) and came out as trans when i was 13, and then came out as gay when i was 16. it was a very complicated situation that can be boiled down to me feeling pressured and expected to be attracted to women, i tried for a few years, and it obviously didn’t work.

i thought i’d nipped that internalised homophobia in the bud back then; i’m 21 now, and it hadn’t really affected me much until the last few weeks.

frankly, i feel like absolute shit. i feel terrible for only liking men, all of my friends are into women to some degree, most of them are primarily into women, in fact. and i’m just not, i can’t, i’ve tried to “fix” myself so many times and it just doesn’t work. i feel so much pressure, that i’m supposed to be attracted to women, that there’s something wrong with me because i’m not. and i don’t know what to do at this point.

it doesn’t help that i’ve spent this year single for the first time since i was 16 and i’ve successfully had one hookup and absolutely nothing else. and i’ve been yearning to find someone, and i’ve found nothing. online or irl. i feel like garbage.

i wish i could just like women, like everyone else, “fix” myself. but there’s nothing i can do.

it’s funny, i’ve been out for 8, almost 9 years, and i’m still lamenting over this and feeling like i’m completely alone, even though i know i’m not. if anyone on here has any advice, or wants to share their experiences, make me feel like i’m not the only person in the world who feels this way, i’d love to hear it.