I'm a slut. Have been my whole life ever since I figured out what sex was. I love pleasing older men and always invite them to be rough with me, use me, insult me (nothing to unpack there lol). I've hooked up with how many men over the years I can't count, and had quite a few regulars who lasted a long time.

One of these regulars (calling him T) is an older married man who started meeting me to facefuck me in the back of his car. It was rough, he used my head like a flashlight, choked me unconscious a lot, slapped me around, spat on me, pissed on me, and eventually started making out with me too. It lasted like 5-6 years and he got pretty into me. He would bring vodka and weed for me, tell me to get drunk/high, make me sniff poppers and just take his whole day out on me. We've been caught a few times too but didn't care. And he recorded me sucking him a good few times too, for his own personal viewing (so he said).

I recently realized I should probably go easy on this stuff since it's not good for me mentally. I never go on dates or anything. All I ever do is invite strangers to abuse me and degrade me and I get off on it. So I told him I'm done and blocked him so he couldn't talk me out of it (which he has before).

A few weeks later, I'm on Sniffies, and he recognized my pics and messaged me. Said he's posted my pics and videos on a gay cruising site (Squirt) and they're getting pretty popular, and he will continue to post me on porn sites unless I unblock his number and keep meeting him regularly like I used to.

I was obviously shocked and disgusted and told him to take it down, but he seemed pretty dead set on making me agree. And the worst part is, even through the shock, I found myself feeling extremely turned on that he would go to such lengths just to use me. That he had publicly humiliated me as punishment for not serving him. I hate that I loved it.

I'm back to sucking him regularly. Whether I want to or not. And I've just made myself numb to it. Kinda forced myself to start loving it now.