I joined this sub within a hour or so of Reddits recommendation. My phone probably knew I needed some much needed advice.

So as it goes…

I (31 y.o male) started talking to this guy (35 y.o) who I met a couple months ago. We’ve gone out dancing, dinner dates, bars, FaceTime and in person conversations by the water, the whole nine. Were mutually attracted to each other and vibe really well - a lot of flirtatious energy. And the initial connection was so organic and natural - which is rare for me. We have a lot in common but also some differences that I feel like complement each other pretty well. Needless to say, I like this guy- a lot; Which is also VERY rare for me. Usually it’s either platonic or sexual with guys. I can count on one hand how many times I’ve caught genuine romantic feelings for someone (and I’d still have a finger or two to spare).

But of course there some challenges right? lol

Things are never perfect…

Here’s the thing(s):

1. We aren’t particularly sexually compatible. We both prefer to sleep on the bottom bunk. I’m a little more flexible and willing to compromise because I like him so much, where as he’s strictly a bottom. Which I don’t mind, it just presents more of a challenge. For further context I’ve been verse most of my life, but within the past few years I realized I too prefer to bottom. This is the main “issue” I’m having.

   1. I’ve never been in a relationship before. So my outlook and experience with love, romance and relationships as a whole is very juvenile. Like I said before, I rarely ever like people in a romantic capacity. But I am HOT for this one. In a way where my feelings supersede rationale at times. To add insult to injury. He’s been in two long term relationships with men at least 10 years older than him- his longest being 5 years. So we’re on two different ends of that spectrum.
   2. The third and honestly the one that doesn’t bother me as much but I should still definitely mention is that he sorta kinda but not really (according to him at least) dated someone in my friend group. Everyone in the group that speaks on him mentions him as the “ex” of a mutual but he has always stated “that is not my ex”. I’ve gathered that they did date or were seeing in each other to some degree, but it never got serious on his end. However other parties see it differently and the mutual in question still has feelings as of fairly recently. Now this mutual, is a friend of a friend. I’ve met him and hung around him in social situations numerous times. We’re in a group chat together, and are fairly cordial but we’ve never had interpersonal conversations or rapport between each other prior to the guy I’m seeing. It’s always been fairly surface level interactions. However I don’t want to cause a riff or create weird vibes between us out of the sake of the friend group- which I cherish a lot.

So right now my best advice for myself is to not put too much pressure on any expectations in this “relationship”. I just want to go with the flow, enjoy the moment and each others company. I feel like a first step is to mitigate my feelings just a tad and take each day, one step at a time.

But I’m unsure if I should subside my feelings all together out of the potential of a really good friendship, which I can see for us both. At this point in my life, I feel like I’m ready to open my heart up. I met a guy who I like, that I can see myself with and that I’m willing to not only compromise my sexual preference for but invest in. But should I let it go all because we’re not sexually compatible?

P.S. If you’ve read this far, thank you lol