I feel like I’m too old to be writing this but here we are. I came out publicly in September 2021 and started my first legit relationship with another man April 2022. We fell in love and he was everything I wanted. I’d been married to a woman before (we ended on good terms and she’s still my best friend) but this was totally different. For the first time in my life, everything felt right. I didn’t have to fake anything or hide any part of me. I could totally be myself and someone loved all of me. We weren’t without our challenges, no couple is. But we loved each other.

In November, he moved in with me. It was temporary as is previous living situation turned toxic and was always looking for a new place. But there wasn’t any rush for him to find a place because we both really enjoyed living together. Of course we started making plans for a future where we’d live together officially.

Everything was great until I hit a rough patch in my mental health. I started have multiple panic attacks everyday and stopped sleeping. I tried to not let it affect us but of course it did some. Eventually, I shared with some of what I was struggling with. Some of the anxieties I shared with him I guess were too much. He eventually found a new place and as soon as he finished moving in he came by my job and broke up with me.

It’s been a month since that happened and I’m still not over it. I cry almost everyday and struggle to do things that we used to do together. Don’t think I’ve ever felt this alone. If I’m honest, I have plenty of complications that probably render me unlovable. At least long term but I’m working on accepting that.

I’m writing 1) because I lost all my friends after coming out and have no one else to talk to. And 2) for advice on how to get over a breakup. Never been much for love and romance because I’ve only ever seen it fail and vulnerability sucks. But for some dumb reason I let it happen. We weren’t even together a whole year and now I just feel stupid for not being over it already. Any advice?

tl;dr - experienced my first gay breakup a month ago and feel stupid for not being over it. Seeking advice.