I'm 23m and my boyfriend is 23m as well. He's my first boyfriend and we've been together for a year and a half now. Our relationship is in a weird place and I feel extremely conflicted over what I should do about it.

I'm having a hard time organizing my thoughts so I'm just going to list some things to start:

- We virtually have no sex life anymore. We're both on antidepressants which makes it hard for us to get hard (ba dum tiss), but ever since we met I've had a more difficult experience than him with it. My psych tried phasing me off of my SSRI (Zoloft 200mg) and that did make me ridiculously horny but we never ended up having sex anyway. In only two months my anxiety got so terrible that my psych put me back on Zoloft but at a lower dosage (100 mg).

- I wish he had better hygiene. Beyond the ED issue is the fact that, even if I am up for sex, I have a hard time getting into the mood because his breath will be bad, his BO is bad, or he hasn't showered in several days. He doesn't brush his teeth consistently which makes kissing him a little iffy for me sometimes. He's been going through a pretty bad bout of depression so I know it isn't entirely his fault that he's behaving like this but it still doesn't change the fact that it kills my attraction to him sometimes. And his apartment can be a mess -- his bedroom floor is almost never visible because there's always clothes or wrappers or empty bags covering the floor, and him and his brother (who he lives with) leave food out all day. I've talked to him about my problems with his hygiene and it was a good conversation but not much at all has changed. The most it seems like he's been willing to actually change is promise to brush his teeth at least once a day.

- He isn't as intuitively caring as I sometimes wish he was. There was a death in my family recently which hit my mom and grandmother very hard, and I went with my mom to sort out some of our deceased family member's things to support her and my grandma. I asked him if he was going to come with (my mom flat out told him he was more than welcome to come with us) but he just said no. He was already up at my house with me but he decided to stay home in my bed and catch up on sleep instead of coming. I wasn't particularly in shambles over the death (complicated relationship with that family member) but it was still an emotionally complicated time for me and my family. I didn't want to beg him or guilt him into coming so after seeing that his mind was set I left without him. It really really bothered me that he stayed behind. When his family's dog was dying I spent two nights at their house helping them take care of her. I didn't even hesitate to ask him if he wanted me to be there with him when I heard about his dog. But he's almost never shown that same sort of instinctive empathy for me. He is supportive, but only if I'm either visibly in shambles or explicitly tell him what I want him to do for me.

- Lately, I've been having sex dreams about one of my friends, who I had a brief FWB thing at the tail-end of high school. Even after we stopped hooking up, him and I stayed in touch and we actually still talk a little bit to this day. A month ago, I started having these dreams about him and it's making me feel so guilty. I wish I was having these thoughts about my own boyfriend instead! But the lack of sexual intimacy between him and I has obviously started to make my mind wander in my sleep. And these dreams keep happening.

-When we have had sex, I've had a hard time getting him to compromise with me over what we both want. He's a self-described "pillow princess". I thought he was exaggerating when he first called himself that but it seems like I was wrong. He's my first boyfriend, and only the third person I've ever had sexual relations with. I'm not very experienced. I've been told that I do a good job but I'm honestly still lacking the confidence that would come with experience to really keep my stamina going. My SSRI-induced erection problems has left me incredibly self-conscious about sex, and I've asked my bf many times if he could take some charge every once in a while to help me. But it just hasn't happened yet. I'm doing all the work and feeling very insecure the entire time. He doesn't reciprocate almost anything that I do to him, and if he does, he'll only do it for a fraction of the time. (I think one of the reasons why my mind started thinking about my friend from high school is because I do remember him being a lot more hands-on when we were hooking up, and I obviously miss that).

I know I'm painting a fairly bleak picture here, but I do want to clarify -- I care about my boyfriend very, very deeply. He's my best friend and I feel more comfortable being in his presence than I do with anyone else in the world. He can be selfish sometimes but I genuinely feel safe and content when I'm with him. But it's the goddamn sex that's really getting to me. What am I supposed to do? I love him, but my physical attraction to him has withered down to nothing. I never expected sex to mean this much to me, but not being able to have that kind of physical intimacy with my partner is hurting me more than I ever thought it would.

I feel incredibly, painfully conflicted about what to do about all of this.