This is gonna be a long one yall, but Im going to try and make it as short as possible.

I(31, non-binary) have been with my partner(25 M) for going on two years. In the two years we've been together I've been the one supporting us. I know every bitch says this, but I feel like I am extremely forgiving(we will get to this point later), super easy to be with and love extremely hard.

In the two years he has been unfaithful. Unfaithful to the point of catching an a few STDs and passed one on to me. I paid for both of our treatments(like a fool) and we both fine now. But even after that, he continued to text other people. The thing that has got me to the point of writing this was I went through is phone about a month ago after I thought we had moved passed the cheating and he was setting up a hook up while we were together.

I confronted him about it and his main rebuttal was he didnt fell trusted because I went through his phone, mind you this is after he had been caught talking to his ex(the first time) and texting people on OnlyFans(the second time). That he didn't want to be in a relationship were there is no trust. Everytime we have an argument, he starts to pack his stuff like he is going to leave.

During the argument, I flet like he really wasn't sorry for betraying my trust and our relationship, in the moment it felt like he was mad he got caught. I should also mention, I HATE confrontation, I hate yelling. I typically try and have level headed conversations. So over the next few days we have conversations about it and everytime we talk about it he shuts down. I wont say it was like talking to a wall, but it was very short answers. He did acknowledge how his actions were hurtful and that he broke my trust, but to me, there was no real heart felt apology. When I asked him "what do you think you should do to make things better?" His answer was just time. We(I brought it up) have even had the conversation about having an open relationship. He was the one to shoot down the idea.

He's expressed that in his past relationships when his exes wouldn't want to have sex, that his ex before me cheated on him. He knows what that feels and says he understands that what they did to him is what he is doing to me.

In order to move forward I told I needed a few things, reassurance, more dick(we will get to that) and to make my birthday special. Well none of those happened. He actually slept a majority of the day on my birthday and I had cancelled plans with my friends because he said he had something planned. It was our first time celebrating my birthday together. His response, on my birthday, was "if it was going to be a problem you should've woke me up" But it wasn't my job to keep you awake on my birthday.

A constant problem we have is not having sex. I know, what a dumb bitch for even wanting to keep having sex with him. But I committed to be in a relationship with this person. Sex to me in a relationship is really important. Not just because it feels good but because its another way of being intimate. His reasoning as to why we don't have sex often is because 1. sex isn't that important to him(I can hear the collective sigh) 2. he doesn't always want to have sex. 3. That he is depressed. I came up with a compromise on having sex once a week and even that, he cant commit to and I have to remind him. When I bring up the fact when we aren't intimate in that way makes me feel like he is stepping out, that he doesnt want me, ect. This is a constant conversation we have and everytime I bring it up he makes me feel like im crazy for wanting him in that way. When we do have sex, everytime, I am the one who has to start it, Im the one who has to ask. When I try and start stuff sometimes he rejects me and when it does happen, to me it feels like he is just completing a chore.

Here is where I am at a loss. This is my first long term relationship. I am the kind of person who will fight for a relationship to work. I grew up losing loved ones, being kicked out and Ive really had to create my own family. When I was growing up I was told "I love you unconditional" but I was kicked out and haven't talk to that side of the my family in years. it turns out that there love had a condition. So I've made it a point to show those I allow in my circle real unconditional love. I will try and work through anything because when I say I love you I mean it from the bottom of my heart. So I've been trying to do that in this situation and its proving to be really hard. How do you love someone who isn't putting in the same energy?

I am not sure how to move forward. He says he is in it for the long haul but it feels like im the only putting any effort into this relationship. I've forgiven the cheating, I take his feelings into account, I don't have alot of experience but im honestly trying to make this relationship the best he's had. I feel like his reasons for not having sex are bull shit because if it was the real reason you wouldnt cheat, right?

I am dumb for trying to make things work? If its not a resounding no, how? Ive tried to making compromises, I've talked myself horse and im honestly at a loss. Im to the point where I want to cheat or leave. I don't feel like I should be in a relationship where im scared of being cheated on, where I have to come up with solutions, every compromise, where I can have a two way conversation. Shouldn't I be in a relationship filled with intimacy? I mean I am crazy for wanting sex with more than often?

If you are on the leave this man side, how do you break up with someone? I know at my big age I should know how to do this. But its extremally hard when I believe in love the way I do. Is it dumb to take his feeling into account? I know this post shines him in a bad light and the whole story is way to long, but these are major things.