I 20M have been with my partner 21M for a year and a half. Before me my partner hasn’t had a proper relationship and let’s just say has done a lot of exploring etc. I 20M have only ever had proper sex with my previous relationship and my current one. I have GAD and sometimes get obsessive thoughts of rumination that give me anxiety and get me stuck in a constant loop of worry on specific thoughts. Recently I’ve had thoughts of wanting to jerk off with other people, nothing else, just to jerk off. To preface, my partner is transition and currently their little person doesn’t work that often and they have very low libido. After saying this to my partner (which I definitely should have not and just say on the thought). They were very hurt and wanted a break to ascertain what they want and wether they went this relationship. During this break both of us had free rein to do whatever we want. During this all of 3 days break I thought and came to the conclusion these thoughts were to do with my obsessive rumination and GAD. During the break, my partner was approached, made out with and jerked off a stranger by chance. I was shocked of course but am kind of being selfish and just not thinking about what I want and not my partner. My partner enjoyed the rush they got from jerking someone off and proposed to make it a regular thing and therefore open the relationship to this extent. Now that he has had a taste per se for their past with exploring they want to do it again. I’m so stupid for bringing this up and have said I don’t think I want this. (Primarily because anxiety, jealousy and my partner is really attractive) Im at a loss to my double standards and such. Because these thoughts may have been through my partners head when I proposed it, but now it’s the pppsoite. I have yet to do as my partner has and said I will see how I feel if I do it and I’ll get back to them. I really do love them and don’t want to lose them. Any advice?