Disclaimer: All individuals in the following piece are older than 18 years of age.

So, just over a week ago, I accidentally may have found out that my best friend - a fella I’ve known since school and have been sharing a house with for several years - might be gay. Since I accidentally saw a preview of a message to ‘SIR’ on his phone while celebrating another roommate’s big day, a lot of people have reached out to discuss the experience with me. The response has been really positive, with one or two very sweet stories being shared.

Anyway, I didn’t want to out my friend or do anything to upset, harm, hurt, embarrass or illicit any negative outcome. He’s happy. We’re happy. He’s not hurting anyone, and if he wanted to keep this part of his life a secret then he is entitled to keep it a secret. As so many of us had agreed upon.

But, I did feel a little guilty especially over the little wee horniness and potential breech of privacy, so I waited until I had a chance to speak with Daniel alone not so long ago. My other roommates were either working or running errands, and Daniel was listening to a podcast in the shared space.

I was nervous. I’d practiced what I wanted to say, but I was worried I would fuck it all up. The words. The conversation. Would you go so far as to question the integrity of our friendship afterwards?

“Daniel,” I said, standing in the doorway to the shared space and waving to catch his attention.

When he saw me, he took off his headphones and looked over: “What’s up?”

“Can we talk?”

“Yeah, sure. You cool?”

“I have to apologise for something,” I said, somewhat sheepishly.

“For what? Using my milk?”

“What?” I asked.

“I’d no milk in the fridge left this morning...”

“That was Michael, he took it when he was rushing to the gym.”

“Ah,” Daniel said, “Fucker. Sorry - what did you want to say so? Why are you apologising?”

I took a deep breath and leaned further into the doorframe. Now or never.

“Daniel, you’re one of my best mates. And I’m here for you no matter what. You can talk to me about anything, always remember that. It’ll never change my opinion of you. I just wanted to say I’m sorry that last week, when we were out celebrating with Micheal, I saw a message on your phone when you were gone to the bathroom. I didn’t mean to read it. I didn’t want to read it. I never have read anything private of yours. It was about to fall out the table and I grabbed it, and I saw the message. So, yeah. I’m sorry, but I’m here for you for whatever.”

Daniel looked back at me quizzically. I couldn’t tell if there was recognition in his eyes or whether he had no idea what I was talking about. The partial second before he spoke felt nauseating long and awkward, the sound of my heart beginning to beat in my ears and the dull sound of his podcast echoing in the room.

Daniel’s fingers curled around his headphones tighter.

“Thanks for telling me, but you’ve got nothing to worry about,” he said, nodding his head. “Just a silly text right? It’s not end of the world shit.”

“Right. Just don’t want you to think I’m prying...”

“Dude, I’ve known you for years, not much to pry on,” Daniel said quickly, before putting his headphones back over his eyes. “Don’t mention it.”

Don’t mention it. So many ways to interpret that fucking small sentence.

I took it the conversation was over, so I left and went back to my daily business. Our roommates got back not long after that. We got a takeaway for dinner, watched a shitty film and went to bed.

Daniel was Daniel for the night. Like nothing happened. Maybe it was just a shitty text and I’d overreacted to everything. So, it went out of my head.

The next morning, I woke up early to get to work. I had a long day ahead of me, which I had moaned about the night before, and wanted to get there before shit really hit the fan. Grabbed my stuff, grabbed my phone and my keys, and ran out the door.

It wasn’t until I was setting up some music that morning in the office that I saw I had a message from Daniel. Time stamped early morning. I unlocked my phone and opened the app:

[Thanks for yesterday I feel lighter. I’m sorry you had to find out that way]