This is not a happy confessions lol, it's a guilty confession

He is older than me I'm a college student and he's in his 30s

So a little bit of context, I had met this guy online a few years ago and I met with him before he got married. We would meet in an empty parking lot and this was my first time meeting with a guy in general. I was still figuring out my sexuality. We would meet and I wouldn't do much to him but he would do things to me. We met a few times and during this time I had started speaking to a girl so I stopped doing anything him and things with me and the girl turned serious. A year later we broke up and soon after I get a message from him on the app we used to use. We were just catching up and he mentions that he has a wife but wanted to meet I said yeah sure there's no harm in meeting him, I had told him I'm not interested in doing things with a married man and I am and have been super against cheating, I think it's very scummy. Anyways we met up we spoke for a bit and then I left his place. He wanted to do things and he made that clear but I didn't and I left, later on he kept asking me to meet for 4 months and I am not making any excuses but I'm very susceptible at the moment and I was rly horny especially for him. I had never sucked him off or anything but I've seen his dick and I was always in awe, it was so big. And because I had just gotten out of a RS I was just horny and I told him this was a one time thing and it was, I kinda told myself that he was the one cheating and making excuses to make myself feel better and I ended up meeting him and we hooked up. I still ended up not sucking his dick out of guilt. And during this time I couldn't get hard either because I kept thinking about the fact that he's married. I did realize that I like being slutty though. He bought me a hotel room and I'm a virgin so we couldn't fuck so he put lube on my thighs and fucked my thighs. Afterwards I showered said bye and left.

I felt bad for even meeting him afterwards, I couldn't do anything to him and before I met him I was thinking maybe I would but in the moment I just felt guilty.