Sorry this may be a run on sentence I’m just trying to get my thoughts out and hopefully convey them properly. (Sorry grammar and punctuation people)

I don’t know if it’s the older i get that this desire burns deeper or maybe the fact that my age is letting this slip away and I’ll never find what I’m after I’m a 43 w male in the Philly area and for years from aol chat rooms to recon and all the new sites I have always wanted to be a slave completely controlled maybe started though blackmail but i mean just owned in every aspect of my life what i ware what i eat almost a more gay version or the movie secretary 😂 but i always wanted it by an older man that keeps me in collar wrist and ankle cuffs and i serve him and his friends in anyway they want im kept in permanent chastity and i know some of that can be a bit of a stretch real life doesn’t allow a lot of that but to find something even close would be amazing sometimes i day dream about meeting a man like this and just running of to another state and be his property (again not realistic) but i have always wanted it and the hard part is I’ve built a family and a kid and wife in a new home so it’s even harder to make that happen i watch along of porn where this stuff takes place and I’m always so jealous and really wished i would of found that for myself i know it’s never to late but it’s also such a niche relationship dynamic that i always felt like it just couldn’t happen i would meet guys when i was single and it was all the same call me a f*g or name calling just to have a blow and go or have that with the same guy for a while but it was never quite what i needed I’m very submissive towards men in my sexual life i think it’s because in the “regular world” im in control of everything i do im hard on myself for mistakes and make sure im always sure of what will come next and that desire come with such freedom for me if that makes sense i just know at this stage in the game that’s all that will ever be in a movie or erotic story but if i could do it over i think i would really invest in making that happen or at least put a better effort towards it… sorry for the rant just wanted to share that and get it off my chest