Wall of text incoming lol.

Don't know if this is the right place for it, so apologies if it isn't. My boyfriend broke up with me this past Sunday and it's absolutely destroying me right now. We were together for a year and a month. Before Sunday, we haven't texted each other for about 2 and a half weeks. The last time we had contact we had a 2 hour phone call just talking about current happenings in our lives and some lengthy but pretty normal texts the day after. I felt like something was up after not talking for 2 and a half weeks. So this past Sunday, I texted him if everything is alright and if he's doing ok. He texts back saying everything is ok, he just doesn't want to continue the relationship. I asked why and he just says it boils down to communication. I wanted specifics and details, but I just wanted to leave it there, as I'm absolutely floored at this point.

Now, I'm pretty introverted and he's a bit extroverted. So it's usually him that initiates conversations and such. I do initiate talks tho if there's something that's really on my mind or anything else that I need to talk to him about. The last conversation we had, he said he was going through some stuff (moving, potential career change, constant pain from certain ailments, etc). I usually just let him have his space and leave him be, as I got some stuff going on too (filling out job applications, going to interviews, etc).

He was so unbelievably supportive of me. Sometimes more than my own family. He would drop me off at work after spending time at his place and he would always pay whenever we ate out. We'd exchange gifts and cards and we'd always support each other in so many ways. He was so loyal and sweet.

I really don't know how to look at this. I'm absolutely destroyed by this cause I love him so much and have made a ton of sacrifices to be with him (as he has for me). But at the same time... I feel like I dodged a bullet. He has severe depression, ADHD, and OCD, along with being in constant neck and back pain from fibromyalgia. A lot of baggage but all that never bothered me one bit, cause I loved him so much. But he also has a pretty short temper, and sometimes I'm on the receiving end of his outbursts just for trying to help him with something. His road rage can get scary sometimes too. He almost ran over someone in a Kroger parking lot, with me in the car btw. His room is almost always a mess when I visited him. Sometimes we clean his room together. But it's usually me by myself cleaning my side of his bed. Sometimes I can't even walk to his bed because of the mountain of dirty laundry on the floor. Now, I absolutely get it. Depression will do that to you. In February, we were chilling on his bed watching a movie when suddenly I felt a bite on my ankle. It hurt a little, and when I looked down it was a fucking BED BUG. He noticed it too and when we looked around his room, there were multiple hives under his bed. I literally almost panicked and fainted looking at them. The bed bugs have gotten worse with each visit there. I even brought some sprays and stuff to help get rid of them, but as of now, he still hasn't taken care of it. But I guess the thing that annoyed me the most was how he would constantly talk about his exes. And it would be unprovoked too. We were talking about hurricanes one day and he went on and on about how one of his exes was struggling during a hurricane. He's very aware of this, amongst all his other issues. Not to mention the almost 40 cats that are there and how every other month a newborn dies (this issue is more from his roommate and her mom tho).

But you know what? All that was insignificant to me because I just loved him so fucking much. I'm really beating myself up over this breakup. I feel like I should've communicated more. I just feel so empty and dull right now. I know I'll love again and get better at this. But fuck man, I really don't think I'll find someone like him again. I think I'm gonna mail some of the gifts he's given back to him, along with a letter. Thanks for listening.