Ive posted stuff on here a bit ago regarding somewhat the same topic. End of February/beginning of March, the man that I had been in a relationship with for two years all of a sudden broke up with me. It was my greatest fear in any relationship happening to me: waking up to the guy I loved more than anything telling me he didn’t want me anymore. He helped me move out and….that was it. Life has been pretty shitty. I might be going to a homeless shelter this week because I can’t afford rent anymore. My one thing that kept me happy, my cat, is with my ex.

A few weeks ago I found out that my ex was now dating this girl who we were friends with. This just made things so much worse. I haven’t slept in weeks, I’ve tried everything: drugs, alcohol, but nothing. I go to bed thinking about him and her being happy, her sleeping in the spot I did. I saw her clothes where my clothes used to be. I can’t even dream, I just dream about them. It has been driving me insane and I can’t control it.

Everyone tells me that I need to grow up and just move on, but it’s like my mind isn’t letting me. I know it takes a long time to heal from this stuff, but it hurts. My depression is getting worse, I’ve been having constant thoughts of dread and not wanting to exist. I feel ugly and unattractive. I feel like a loser who doesn’t deserve to be here. I’m trying SO hard to keep going but I constantly feel anxiety and dread. I just feel so ugly and disgusting. I have a therapist and I’m seeing a psychiatrist soon, but it’s just….constant pain. I truly see my life going nowhere. I went to school for acting and stopped pursing it because I was relentlessly bullied in college and the industry. I was sa’ed by my roommates and forced to do really uncomfortable stuff for my film class. The dreams I had are gone, the life I had is gone. I’m going to be homeless. I’m trying so hard, but it doesn’t stop.