bit of a rant here. the easy thing to say to this is to put myself out there, try & meet people but its haaaard to do that

in the gay community casual hookups, sex parties, saunas are very common. definitely no shade to any of these, & its so lame that i cant bring myself to do any of these things. i’m in a weird middle ground where i’m not willing to compromise, because i simply know i can not handle it

even if i might be getting hit on, i stay quiet / freeze up because i’m convinced that i’ll get shut down, one way or another.

i, so desperately want to do the sexy with a man- to the point where i genuinely feel i could die happy after it. i also think i’m somewhere on the spectrum, which makes it that much harder to go get some. making conversation is a genuinely difficult task for me, knowing when someone is into me is difficult to realize for me.

i Just want some PP. i already feel proud of my future self for bottoming 4 reals