I'm 28, versatile, in shape (runner's build with toned pecs, arms, and abs), relatively attractive, caucasian, tall, have a great career, and I live in SF, a decent sized very gay city. I'm relatively recently single after a 6 year relationship, so perhaps I've just forgotten what the scene is like. But this is so confusing.

I'm usually very upfront with people that I am not looking for a relationship atm, more likely a friend with benefits. I'll share this before we even talk about meeting up. However, I've noticed a trend where I'll meet up with someone from Grindr, sometimes have a coffee, drink, or dinner beforehand, and other times get right to sex. We have a great time - foreplay, flip fucking, multiple orgasms for both people, usually cuddling and great chatting afterwards (never feel rushed out the door as if it was bad sex). We'll tell each other how hot we think the other person is, how glad we are that we took the time to meet up. We'll usually swap phone numbers, follow each other on Instagram.

They will interact with my posts/stories positively and I will do the same. We'll text a little back and forth ranging from friendly to flirty. But then when I text them trying to make future plans, or ask if they're available to hook up, it's never a good time, and they have a busy week ahead. Even when I see them on the grid later in the week and message them over Grindr, I get the same trepidation as if they aren't currently looking for the next person to fuck.

And this doesn't happen all the time, but it certainly feels consistent with the people I'm most into.

The kicker is that when I travel to other major cities and meet up with guys, they can't get enough of me. I have the opposite problem where they want to meet up again, but I'm now across the fucking country.

What the hell am I doing wrong? Does this happen everywhere to everyone? Would it be obscene to call a guy out on it and ask what happened?