TD;DR: I'm a bookish bi lawyer in the US midwest looking for someone age 18-30 ready to grow as we have fun exploring our kinks together. Must have: intelligence, dedication, left-of-center politics, basic mental and physical health.

Let's give this a shot. I'm not expecting this to work, but who knows? Loneliness makes strange bedfellows. I'm a lawyer who sues cops and insurance companies for a living, and it takes its toll. If you're interested in my work, we can talk about it, but I don't need to. I work around 80 hours a week, and its tough to meet people IRL. The upside is that I know what I want, and hopefully you do too.

I'm highly experienced in shaping my subs into the best versions of themselves, given structure and guidance. The more you're willing to invest in this, the more returns it will show. The only limit on my end is my schedule, which we will have to work around. I love Euro and Aussie subs, but unless you keep very strange hours, it's unlikely we will have much time together.

Kink-wise, I am into D/s, bondage, impact, body-writing, exhibitionism (yours), TPE, humiliation/degradation, mindfuck, and a bunch more. Inquire inside. Limits are the typical – no shit, piss, vom; nothing permanent or insane, etc. You and I will start out slow and build up over time. If you're a gamer (I like those!) I can even structure it like a skill tree for you. This is designed for both of us. We should both be enjoying it.

I am looking for something that will last at least a year, and if we really get along, forever. I'm not expecting a win on that, but if you're just looking to be talked off and ghost once you cum, fuck off, please, the adults are talking.

Personality-wise, music, film, books, and (thinky) games are my life, and ideally that is something we could share. My tastes are pretty eclectic. I do like plenty of lowbrow stuff, for example anything with Tim Heidecker, and I'm not repulsed by middlebrow stuff either. I don't always have to be reading Tess of the D'Urbervilles or Infinite Jest, but if it means something to you, I have. I blow off steam by playing Paradox games on the weekend. If that's something we could share, you should tell me. And like every other geriatric millennial, I love sharing music that reflects my mood – bonus points if you can at least pretend to listen to it when I send it to you ;)

In addition, I am a Jewish antizionist. If either of those things turn you off, don't bother. On the other hand if you ARE both of those things, let's cut to the chase, our parents are going to want to know to call the lesbian reconstructionist rabbi and order the chuppah. If you're a right-winger, we won't get along. If you're a Hillary/Biden-over-Bernie kind of person, it will be tough. If you think Bernie is on the right, holy shit, message me now so we can bitch about it.

Here is what I am looking for. You have to be able to talk in full sentences and be able to express yourself in writing. That is how we are going to communicate for the most part and if you're unable to say anything other than “oh,” or “lol,” or “ok,” I am going to ghost you. Don't expect me to put in 100% of the work. Additionally, you don't have to be a scientist or professor, but you should be familiar enough with at least the kinds of things you were supposed to read in high school to understand the references. Can you summarize the plot of Hamlet in under ten words? (“A prince avenges the murder of his father.” That's literally all I'm expecting. You have no idea how hard that is to find.)

Physically and mentally, you don't have to be a ten, but health is important to me, for my own reasons. I had to turn around my own life, physically and mentally, and I won't backslide with a partner. (Eventually, I'll tell you all about it.) Ideally, it would work the other way, in that I would help you overcome your hang ups. Chronic health issues or disability is different than not wanting to leave the house, or do low-impact exercise, or to refrain from eating your feelings. The former is one thing, the latter just isn't going to work for me.

If you're out of shape and want to get better, let me help with that. If you're working on overcoming your anxiety or depression, let me help with that. Let's get stronger together. But I won't watch you wallow. It does nothing for me.

If you've read this far and want to chat, make sure the first word of your message is “watermelon,” so I know that you read this. You will absolutely get a response if you do that. I am totally bi and do not care one way or another about gender. I have more experience with cis women than anything else, but that's just a statistical inevitability. As a result, I know pretty well how to help young women come into their own. But I've also had a wonderful time with guys, especially younger ones, and I have a soft spot in my heart for twinky FTMs. Any daddy can teach you to become a man, but how many can teach you to be a good man? Do you want to find out?

No MAGA creeps, no race play, no misogyny, no homophobia, no antisemitism, no islamophobia. No diaper or baby or pedo shit. If you dance for me on cam, I will fall in love.