Context: I have had body positivity issues my entire life and didn’t come out until I was in my early 30’s. A friend of me invited me on a trip with her for a work conference. No pressure or sexual tension to worry about there (AFAIK) and in a different state far from where we live. Perfect opportunity to be myself.

I prepped for this trip as if it were my gay awakening. Dyed my hair a new color; was rocking fantasy colors but decided on a silver this time. Painted my nails to match; and bought myself a new swimsuit, high-cut trunks. I normally hate being seen in public in anything but normal clothes and wasn’t sure if I’d wear them but what the hell? Better to be prepared.

Yesterday and today was the conference so my friend was gone most of the day. It’s also been hot as hell where we are. Tiring of the hotel room I said to myself “You may as well enjoy some time outside, go down to the pool and read for a while.” I changed into my new trunks; smallest thing I’ve ever worn, mid thigh high like old school gym shorts. I threw on some basketball shorts for the trip down to the pool and set out on my way.

The pool area was somewhat busy but not obscene. I found a lounge chair by the side and set my stuff down. It was very hot, over 90 degrees and the sun was beating down fierce. “This is your time to relax.” Without hesitation I pulled off my shirt. The warm sun felt amazing against my bare chest. Taking a quick peek around to see if anyone was looking I quickly doffed my shorts and sat down; diving into a book I had started reading. After a few minutes I realized that no one was looking at me! I was just another person sitting by the pool enjoying themselves. I sat there for probably a solid 2 hours, engrossed in my book and not thinking about the fact that I was sitting there practically naked and no one else cared.

I’m not sure what finally clicked in my head; but I suddenly feel much more comfortable about my body now. I’m hoping this will help me get the confidence to go out to a gay bar or to a nightclub that’s hosting an underwear night.

I’m glad this trip happened. I needed it!