One minute I'm fine and then the next I feel this slow, numb pain, thinking about him. I'm only 21, and I'm college. I asked him (20m) to come love w/ me so he could escape his abusive family, and oh boy did he bring that toxicity to my place, and even temporary succeeded in convincing me it was my fault.

I understand all of the council that these relationship shrinks dish out "it's not about who's wrong or right, it's about the relationship being better" and all of that good shit, but dammit, it's about time that I realiz and RIGHTFULLY ALLOCATE all of the blame that he deserves for treating me how he treated me.

It's YOUR FAULT that you would stand me up and keep me waiting for hour(s) and I ended up feeling unwanted

It's YOUR FAULT that you suspicions of me cheated and accused me of such, not once, not twice but THREE times when I offered for you to check my phone and was exactly where I said I was when you would come to find me

It's YOUR FAULT that you would call me out of my name, condescend to me and gaslight me, slowly eroding my sense of reality until I actually believed your version of things.

It's YOUR FAULTthat you were incredibly selfish and ungrateful, sitting on your entitled ass not applying for any jobs, laughing at me when I tell you that I have to take extra shifts and my savings are going down, that the relationship is becoming a burden on me and worsening my depression (which you proceed to make about you) and you insist that you "expected to get spoiled by your bf for a few weeks" when you came here

It's YOUR FAULT that I wasted my money on you several times for you to not show up. You didn't even give a shit about our six months anniversary, buying a shit ton for yourself and none for me (even after I say you down and asked you that I'd like to receive more gifts in the future bc you finally got a job and was mad spending) and then you proceed to use the first half of the date to make a tik tok, running of without me.

It's YOUR FAULT that you got up in my face and tried to slap the phone out of my hand, hitting my arm in the process bc you couldn't handle when I told you that I felt you were manipulative.

It's YOUR FAULT that you proceed to victimize yourself when I finally get angry after telling you the same thing over and over, and grow tired of your self centered and vain behavior. When you know you're wrong instead of apologizing, you try to placate me with kisses, and when I call you out on it, you go silent and get on your phone, the reason for this is for the very same reason you treated me like shit for the last week you were here after we broke up, refusing to pay your rent (in spite of the fact that you left on the very last day of June), insulting me more and more, eating in my bed against my wishes, and gettingnup in my face again. You send your friends an hour away to get the rest of your shit from my place because you are what I've ALWAYS knew you to be in this relationship, and that is A COWARD. You could not face me after all you put me through.

Finally I give it all to him, and I'm no longer fooled by his (very true) traumatic past and his sweet demeanor. He always said he was tired of chasing guys and that he wants to be chased, well he had that, and he knows he took it for granted. His last words before he left was that he shouldn't have and to move out, talking about us like we're still a couple.