Hello, this is more a diary post so feel free to ignore.

But I feel like I don’t fit in anywhere in gay circles.

I’m too shy and wholesome-minded for the super NSFW sections, but I also really like daddies and big penises so much, so I don’t really fit in with the more wholesome and SFW sections either.

I just don’t really like the Grindr style ‘sex now’ type of interactions that you get when you do that stuff, partially because I’m a total virgin.

And I can’t really go do the random hookup stuff either because I’m really small and not very strong so it’s such a tremendous risk to do so.

I really would prefer a friend at least to be the person I engage with on that level. And an actual friend not an ‘FWB’ where they only talk about that one thing.

Basically I’m just a conflicted mess inside. :(

And every time I start to get attached to somebody, they either fully ghost me or do that slow petering out of the conversation type of ghosting. OR I essentially reject myself because I can sense that they aren’t going to like me because I’m anxious and shy about that stuff despite trying my best to I guess force myself to be comfortable with it all.

Why is this stuff so difficult for me but everybody else seems to have such an easy time with it all? :(

Sorry for all the venting, just didn’t know where else to post.