Honestly I know I sound like an asshole but ever since I lost 120lbs I have this irrational fear of ever getting as fat as I used to be. I’ve already made up my mind that I’m never going back. It just simply will not happen to me again.

What’s worse is that I would still like to lose 50 more lbs and the body dysmorphia/ fat phobia make me feel that I am huge when in reality I’m mid size. I like at myself in the mirror and I don’t like what I see. I feel that I look huge and enormous and then I have all of this shame around how I used to be twice as big and it give me a horrible feeling.

I feel that everything in my life now revolves around how much bigger or smaller everyone is in comparison to me whereas when I was fat all I would think about is how I was the fattest person in the room. Now I more so feel embarrassed about my weight rather than ashamed but it’s still not good.

I look at people that are bigger than me and as big as I used to be and I feel so sorry for them.

Has anyone else struggled with this? How do I get over it. I’m already in therapy.