hi, i'm new here, but really i've shared a lot with the g0y life and beliefs for my whole life. i grew up in a town where they were deeply confused; if you touched a volleyball, or wore shorts that were actually short, you were "gay," and that became stricter and stricter, men didn't even get nude in the showers!, men would joke all day grabbing each other's dicks (through the clothes), but if a male even showed one ounce of vulnerability, 98% of the time it was a "faggot!" name-calling, inner heart judging, reaction.

in many aspects this actually started at like age 6!, even though we were not even sexual yet. how could something be gay to do if it was impossible for me to even be gay? how can being cooperative instead of violent be gay? how can having strength but not wanting to play sports be gay?? it's all a lie, and all during single digit age, like 7, 8, 9!! and by the post-puberty times there was grabbing of each other, a boy shoving another boy's head into his clothed penis, and all other kinds of "joking" or whatever you want to call it, but if you did it just to feel your friend, there was an immediate hatred reaction.

we wanted to do homie things with each other but we thought it meant you had to replace the woman with the man (anal sex, pretend marriage). that's anti-us, because it's anti-our creator. he/she made us, and that's biblical!

later when i was college-aged, things weren't that great, still the thought of friends falling into each other and taking our pants off, kissing and grabbing dicks, loving each other and letting a friend fill your mouth up with his penis, filling you up with himself, and you filling him up with your penis, fully hard,, it happened. it was still something that was hazy and obscured by gay, boyfriendish lies. still i was able to do some bro things, or they may have been a melted mix of bro and bad, even though there was no anal sex. but some of the things we did together still ring in my mind, many years later (i'm not old, but i'm not college-age anymore). i love them, i moved away, i seek the lord wherever he leads me, but what we did was so minimal. it only happened a few times and me and my best friends (i've had three or four of them at various stages) never ever did a single thing like this. i'm like a wildebeast who only gets droplets of water and runs around his whole life (so far! today's a new day!) dying of thirst. help this be the last day of thirst! no more caught between conservative and liberal. give me right and righteous male-male. yeh-shua! thank you for listening. please reach out.