Title states the obvious. First time in 23 years I'm actually eatting probably normal.. obviously when this happens your body grasp on to the weight, couple that with being pregnant.... it's debilitating... the anxiety. My SO doesn't understand/know the extent of my past/current Ed issues. I belive he's ok with the weight gain but he is also someone who wants his girl to look good.. and to someone like me that means skinny. I don't want to do anything to harm the baby and that's why this is probably the first time I've ever eaten what is considered normal. I still lapse time to time but I think I'm doing good.

My question is.. how the fuck can I not obsess about my weight. I'm to the point where the scale isn't helping ( in the past that's how I controlled/kept healthy weight. Daily weigh ins to know how much I needed to fall into Ed behaviors) I haven't gained much weight 4 to 8 pounds. Which isn't bad considering the body getting used to nor divulging in those behaviors. But I think I may need to get a measuring tape to measure my legs and arms vs my stomach to make sure the weight is only going where it's supposed to.... does it even work that way?

Any help or tips on how to stay sane.

I reached out to my doc for a Ed specialist to look into therapy but I know that will take years ans years of work . I need to know what to do now. I'm going insane with weight worries. And I'm so fearful of fat and I feel so freaking huge and ugly.

I'm sorry If this is triggering to anyone.