I posted this already in r/AnorexiaNervosa, but wanted to throw it out here too. I hope that's okay, please let me know if it's not.

This isn't my first time trying to recover, and I'm sure it wont be my last. Recovery is a choice we need to make continuously, every day, and one I will need to keep making throughout my life.

I forgot how hard this was. I'm scared, my brain is going haywire. I'm terrified of the weight gain - I feel like I'm out of control, not sick enough, that I'm just using this as an excuse to be lazy and binge. I feel more mental hunger than anything else right now. I wake up at 4am hungry, despite having gone to bed uncomfortably full. I feel like what I'm doing is wrong, and that I'm going to make it worse, that I've replaced one bad habit for another of uncontrollably devouring everything in sight. I'm terrified of what's going to happen to me and my body as a result.

I guess, put simply, I could just use some reassurance right now. That what I'm doing is okay, and experiencing is normal, and that these urges will go away over time with consistent eating. That weight gain is okay, and part of the process. Even if I already know these things, I really need to be reminded and hear them coming from a voice outside of my own brain right now.