How do you make friends when your whole life has revolved around food? And honestly still does?

Even if I'm not actively engaging in ED behaviors, my brain is ALWAYS going on about something to do with food. I'm tired. I'd very much like to be excluded from this narrative, but it just goes on and on. I'm acutely aware I'm always one wrong move from a relapse, always on edge.

I'm never fully present because that voice is just so much louder seemingly no matter what. I'm 28, and I've been in and out of treatment for 7 years now. I naively thought eating disorders were for the young, that you grow out of it, but that was a lie my ED told me.

I also used to be super kind. Let people walk all over me. And now I'm so mean (in my head, but I'm nice in person). I am so over people. But I know I need a community.

I feel so stuck.