-Vary long in Advanced

-Hey, I'm kinda new to making posts on Reddit but I've known about it for a while. Kinda just here to make a vent post and see if there are other people feeling how I feel ?

-I'm a 17 year old Trans masc, when most people see me they think I'm a Guy so I'd say I pass well. But I don't wanna pass, I just wanna be a guy, I hate the idea of passing or even having to pass as a cis man, especially since I'm a POC as one would say.

-Also have an ungodly amount of gender dysphoria, like just taking a shower has become difficult as your body grows (especially in the chest area)

-I'm happy my voice is kinda low but I want it to be deep, I get jealous of my male peers who have the deep voice and the facial hair. Just the male lifestyle. It makes me furious ? (I'm not happy but I'm not sad either ? )

-I just wanna be them? But not in that since? Like just to be born a guy ?

-Uh also has anyone else experienced what I like to call phantom dick ? It's like you can feel it but you know it's not there ? I know I have a lot of bottom dysphoria but this was something new, I only started to feel "phantom dick" after I was around 15 Maybe 14. It was a weird experience but I knew it had something to do with me being trans and my gender dysphoria.

-It's kinda hard to explain that stuff with my family and friends as I know they won't understand as well as people like me (AKA Trans Guys)

-Ik I went in a bit of a tangent there but it's been bottled up inside since I first knew I was trans (around 10 or 11)

-I was able to bind for a while but my chest started to grow and it ended up hurting so it was a no go with that.

-I know in the future I would want to medically transition, with the whole top surgery and if everything goes to plan and I'm able to Phallo.

-It's a lot to think about as a "teen" but all I have is time and time...

-I want to start HRT but with my current household they won't let me (unsupportive) but hopefully next year I'll be able to start my actual transition..

-Uh yeah vent ig? I doubt anyone would read this but if you did lmk what you think and if you have any advice ? Question ? Or just felt the same way? I'm tired of feeling alone in this world but I know there are other people like... me

But thanks for reading...