So now I'm like damn, maybe I'm not trans?? I don't think that's what he was trying to say. I think he sees that I have a tendency to idealize my goals, but I know in my wise brain that transitioning will not fix all of my problems. For some background, we have only had two sessions, and he's getting hung up on the fact that I used the word "derealization" to describe moments of dysphoria. I have PTSD, I dissociate all the time, so I explained to him that it wasn't gender dysphoria exclusive and I understand that I will most likely always struggle with derealization/dissociation and I do not expect transitioning to absolve me of derealization episodes or even entirely of body dysmorphia. On the other hand, my dissociation has actually gotten better in the last few months since I stopped menstruating using progesterone, so the PMDD symptoms I have aren't as bad.

All I want recently is to transition but it is relatively new. I mean like, only in the last two months have I considered it seriously at all, and in that same time I've been actively pursuing it. I've identified privately as nonbinary for 7 years since I was 15, but before then I never felt out of place as a girl. All my friends were girls, I don't have any stories about wishing I was a boy or feeling specifically weird about my boobs growing in as a teen. I remember often feeling left out because I have two brothers and a lot of male cousins, and sometimes I was excluded because I was a girl. I feel like that's not an uncommon experience for cis women, though.

It's not like any of this is stopping me from trying to get on T. I'm just wondering if anyone else out there really felt fine as a girl growing up, but then transitioned and it was the right thing for them. I'd really appreciate some advice, I'm having major imposter syndrome rn.