Hey guys,

First I know you all can't tell me if I am or am not trans, but I don't know anyone in my real life that is trans, so I have no idea what's "normal" for lack of better words....

I simply hate my body. I hate my large chest, I hate my voice, I hate my lack of body hair and facial hair. I simply hate it. I always thought I hated my body because I've always been fat, but the more I figure myself out it's because of my stupid large hips and chest. It's the peach fuzz on my face that won't get thicker and darker. I definitely see my body lining with a more male body. I'd be more comfortable all around in a male body.

With that being said, my name and pronouns don't bother me a bit. I've thought it through and can't decide if it's because I've been more than 30 years as she/her or if it really doesn't bother me.

So than I wonder if maybe I'm not trans, I simply dislike this female body, and I'd be more comfortable in a male body.

Also, I'm only ever happy thinking of myself as a gay man. Straight woman doesn't feel right and transmasculine doesn't feel right. Guy, transguy...they feel right for me, but I don't know.

This is hard...I'm not sure I'll ever have the answer and I'm going to live out my life as is because I have no answers.