NSFW

I broke up with my ex almost three months ago. We didn't have much sex in the 1,5 years we had a relationship, mostly because he is asexual. I really loved him, but my libido has been sky high since starting T 3,5 years ago so eventually that was one of the reasons we split up.

Since then I've had sex with another guy one time. I enjoyed it, but I was extremely aware of my genitals the whole time. For the first time ever while having sex I was so aware of it.

And after that, it only got worse. I suddenly feel a lot of bottom dysphoria for the first time ever since transitioning. I started having thoughts about that guy: did he see me as a man or did he only see my female genitals?

Normally after a breakup, so not in this crazy ass pandemic, I am more eager to date new guys. But this time, I'm just feeling awful. My genitals are starting to disgust me. The bottom growth over the past years did not make that 'zone' prettier and I'm so insecure. And sometimes I'm just angry about being trans and not having cis men genitals and angry about the fact that the gay world often hates ftm genitals.

Is there anyone in here who has experienced sudden bottom dysphoria after transitioning as well? I'm feeling so lost.