I'm genderfluid, but was born (and still currently am) physically female. I'm considering top surgery highly in my future, but I'm waiting until I lose some weight first (for health reasons).

What I'm not certain of is bottom surgery, and a big part of that is because I don't know much about it. I get the gist of how the physical procedure is actually done, but beyond that it's difficult to find a lot of actual concrete answers online. It seems like no one wants to ask, so I can't find the answers.

I have so many questions.. I hardly know where to start.

Would my penis actually look like a penis? I know the general shape will be the same, but beyond that - that is to say, if someone were to see just my penis, would it be painfully obvious that it wasn't natural?

What are realistic length and girth sizes that I could get? Do I get to choose, or is that based on my female anatomy? If so, how so? Like, is there any way to say what types of vaginas would become what types of penis'?

How does urinating work? Can it be done standing up? Will there still be a hole at the head for that like there is on a natural penis?

(( Okay, I hate saying that - I'm in no way trying to say that an FTM penis is unnatural. I just mean.. a penis you would see "in a naturally occurring male." I really don't want to offend anyone! I'm sorry! ))

You don't have testes, right? Not even fake ones? Like, purely for aesthetics?

If you don't have testes, you can't create semen. What happens then when you orgasm?

How do you have an orgasm? Are you normally soft, and then grow harder when feeling aroused? Or.. you're not just hard all the time, right??

Is jerking off pleasant, or is it kinda lackluster? What about penetrative sex? Can I still properly please another person with direct use of my penis? Is it difficult?

How different are orgasms? I've had female orgasms and both from my own experience and the general online consensus, female orgasms are pretty fucking awesome, last longer, and can continue going after one round. A natural born male, when they orgasm, their penis grows softer afterwards as a result. Would the same thing happen with my penis, or would it be possible to stay hard?

It'll suck having less intense orgasms, but that's something I've already considered and think I wouldn't mind giving up in order to feel better in my own skin -- I just want to know if I'll still be able to orgasm at all and if it at least feels pleasant?

Are there any good sources I could consult (other than here) that might answer some of these questions? Preferably with images or video so that I can get a real feel for what will be changing?

Do I have to go on T in order to have a penis, or can I get one without doing that? I'm hesitant to get on T because I fear I'd lose my ability to pass as both sexes, which is what I prefer seeing as I'm genderfluid and feel any mix of masculine, feminine, gender-neutral, or genderless qualities at any given time.

Are there any types of upkeep that needs to take place after I have a penis? I know that MTF's, for example, usually need to dilate themselves regularly (especially if they're not having sex consistently and frequently enough).

What happens to my menstruation cycle? How does all that keep working?

What's the healing process like? Does it hurt to pee or have it brush against things at first? How long until is completely healed, assuming the healing process goes smoothly? What if it doesn't go smoothly? What are some effects I might expect to experience while recovering (ie. bleeding, swelling, infection, etc.)?

I won't have a prostate, so no prostate exams, but I also won't have a vagina any longer, which also means, I would assume, no pap smears, etc. If I don't have either of those, are there any sorts of regular exams I should be having concerning my new parts? What are they like?

Is walking different at first? Does it ever get in the way?

And there's absolutely no going back after surgery, right?

Are most trans men happy/satisfied with their penis after receiving one? Or is FTM bottom surgery just not advanced enough at this point to create something that could be truly enjoyable (more than just for show)? Where could I find accounts of FTMs that talk about their experiences post-op?

Are there people out there who DIDN'T like their new penis? And if so, is it possible to find out why they felt that way?

And... I probably have more questions to be honest, but those were the ones that came up off the top of my head, in any case.

If any of you can enlighten me, even a little bit, I'd be incredibly grateful! Thank you! m(_ _)m