I'm a person that gets embarrassed incredibly easily, and I am extremely awkward talking about personal things with my parents, always have been.

Whenever I reveal any kind of personal information, feelings, anything to anyone except two of my closest friends, especially when talking about these things w my parents, I get so embarrassed immediately after. I block it out of my head, wish I had never had that conversation, literally cringe and feel sick whenever the memory comes into my head.

I was in the closet for 4 years before my parents finally asked me about me being trans, I explained it to them, about four months ago, and have not spoken to them about it since. They know I'm medically transitioning, and whenever we talk about appointments or anything we do it in these very broad-non-specific terms. I have a huge mental block about me coming out to them, I hate thinking about it. The worst part is they are INCREDIBLY accepting. I feel so guilty and selfish feeling so negatively and awkward towards my experiences that have been so positive, when I know so many other guys out there would kill to have received responses and support like my parents have given me.

Something I felt even more awkward about is names. I am sure I am trans, and I love my chosen name, but I just felt so awkward telling my parents about it. Eventually I texted my mom telling her my name and she said she liked it and asked if I'd like if she called me it. I told her she could try but not to worry about it. It makes me feel so embarrassed and awkward at the thought of her calling me it, I don't know why.

I feel so guilty and bad, that my parents probably want to have conversations with me but it's not a fun experience for me at all. When I finally came out to them after 4 years, and received a great response, you'd think I'd have a sense of relief, a weight lifted off my shoulders.. It was the opposite. I was just embarrassed and ashamed.

In a way it's me being ashamed that I'm trans, I definitely have a lot of inner-transphobia towards myself. I don't know if it will ever go away. But in another sense I don't know if it's that, because I don't generally have these feelings as bad when talking to my friends. I don't think I've ever had a very personal-intimate relationship with my parents. For me, talking about my feelings with anyone doesn't make me feel better. It's not a sense of me 'bottling up' or 'holding in,' it really isn't, I just generally feel a lot worse about any situation after sharing it with someone else. I usually regret it immediately.

Does anyone else feel this way? Or have any advice? I do feel guilty about my parents, especially my mom, because she's so supportive. But one short conversation with her about me being trans just fills me with embarrassment and regret for months. I think theres something wrong with me lol.