Now, I'm not on the best terms with my mother - so I know that's a factor in her not really trying as hard as I would like. There were years of my life where I completely cut her out. But, I've been out since 17 and have been on T for a year and a half (I'm about to turn 24). I have a beard, and have not been misgendered by anyone I have met (I even met some new people this last weekend and had someone refuse to believe I was trans when I said I was - and then they were giving me tips on looking more femme because they thought I meant MTF) or in public for about 5 months. I sound male. I look male. I know it takes time for it to sink in, but really? That's 7 YEARS of time to get used to it.

The weirdest part is she is pretty accepting of my transition in some aspects - she doesn't ever say a bad word about me transitioning. She is a RN, so she understands the medical aspect of it. She even tries to default to things that are gender neutral when in public with me (but not male?). She accepts my partner and says he/him even though she knew him before he transitioned as well. I can talk to her about things like my dosage, about top surgery concerns, about bottom surgery concerns, that sort of stuff without her even flinching.

I am really hoping she'll get it, but IDK how long it will take, or how long I will be able to tolerate it. Especially since her using my old name and she/her has made her live in BF also start calling me that, and he doesn't try and use gender neutral stuff ever. Just today, his band was auditioning for a new member, and he introduced me as [Mother's] daughter [old extremely feminine name] to this new guy. I wanted to crawl into a hole.

I've broached the subject repeatedly, and I know that is the case for a lot of people trying to essentially retrain their parents, but this is driving me up a wall.

How long did your parents take to get used to the "new" you, so to speak? Was there something you said that actually made it sink in for them? Something that you did?

I've tried most common approaches - it hurts my feelings, that's not who I am anymore, it is embarrassing, it can be dangerous to out me in public or to new people (which she does not do anymore, so I guess that's something). She just doesn't seem to try. Maybe it is because I have told her that it is okay to slip up occasionally because I know it takes time to get to the point where it is normal, IDK. Maybe I've been to lenient, but after very slowly and carefully working on regaining a relationship with her, I don't want to just throw that to the trash because of this.

Man, this is frustrating.