Any advice on how to deal with fat redistribution dysmorphia? (Tw for weight/body talk?)

Hey y’all. I’m a little over 2 years on t, and I’m starting to realize looking at my body now vs. pre-t photos that fat redistribution is definitely happening!!! Yay!!!

However with that I’ve ended up in some weird places mentally. Less yay!

I’m 5’4” or 5’5” (depends on the day and who’s measuring, it seems), and pre transition I used to weigh around 140-150 depending on the month. And now, I weigh 180. There’s been no marked change in how much I eat or exercise. My pants all still fit, admittedly differently from how they used to due to fat moving around from my hips/thighs more to my core (and seemingly my back???) but point here being pants I bought and comfortably fit in pre transition I still comfortably fit in now.

(Shirts are a very different story, most of them don’t fit now because my arms are much larger than they used to be, which is also wild to me, but in an ‘I’m happy about this’ way.)

Additionally my waist has completely like changed zip codes. I’m talking it used to be maybe 3-4” from my hips and now it’s barely under my moobs??? Like. Hello??? How did you do that???

Anyhow all this to say that my brain seems to be processing this really poorly. This ranges from OVERWHELMING feelings of being unattractive now—I used to have a VERY hourglass shape and I hated it, but other people sure didn’t. Now, I feel like I recognize my body more, but still don’t like it somehow. Like. I feel like I’ve just become this shapeless blob that doesn’t look good in any of the clothes I actually want to wear.—to feeling like I need to start restricting how much I eat/exercise to excess because I’m worried my BMI will be too high for top surgery. Plus my brain is still struggling with the fact that I haven’t gained inches to affect how clothes fit, yet have somehow gained 30 pounds.

Realistically I can safely assume a lot of that weight is muscle growth. But my brain isn’t rational all the time, nobody’s is. Anybody have any tips for retraining their brain in this regard?