Firstly, I'm afab (23). I'm pretty new to figuring this whole gender thing out, so please call me out if I use wrong terms/phrases, or if what I say is hurtful in anyway to the comunity.

Ever since I was little, I'd do traditionally masculine things (gaming, playing and getting all dirty outside, helped dad with the farm and garden, etc), and shy away from feminine things (never played with dolls, only wore dresses when mom forced me, to this day dont wear much more thanthe ocasional eyeliner, etc). I always brushed those things off, since everyone kinda labeled me as a tomboy and I just kinda accepted that as me I guess.

Recently though, I was talking with a friend about how I despise having boobs, especially when the underboob touches the rest of my body when I sit or bend, and how it feels icky to me. She looked at me weird and said something along the lines of how that's a bit odd. I always thought it was sensory issues, so when I got home, I googled it and realized "well shit, it's top dysphoria." I did a lot more research, and found out I have bottom dysphoria too. Not in the sense I want a dick, but I want to have a TDick. It's been about 4 months since then. I've bought a binder and love it. I've also stolen some of my bfs clothes and stuff.

It might seem cut and dry at this point, but what confuses me is that I don't feel dysphoric about other things. I really dont want facial hair. I don't hate my feminine shape, except for my breasts, but i do want to bulk up. I've come to enjoy wearing dresses and skirts more, now that there's no pressure to. I also don't mind any pronouns, though feminine compliments make me uncomfortable most times.

I got no clue if im ftm with a more fem presentation or non binary. Someone online said I'm a demi boy, which i can see why. I'm just so confused and have literally no one irl I can come out to yet. I haven't even told my bf. What do ya'll think?

TLDR: Dysphoria sucks, can't figure out my identity, no one to support me through it all... halp?