(A prequel to the kiddush club, six years earlier)

“Rena” Shimon started “I have gone out with you eight times and I would like to marry you”

“Yes! Yes! Yes!” Rena answered enthusiastically “even though you didn’t get down on one knee”

“My knees hurt” Shimon said flatly

“Awww babe, that’s not fun. Can I ask you something?”

“Sure”

“Now that we are engaged, can I give you a hug?” Rena asked while blushing “I know we said we’d be shomer but I just need to hug you”

“Sure” Shimon answered as he outstretched his arms

Rena felt Shimon’s erection poke into her waist. It was large but she chose to ignore it, it was way too early in the engagement to do anything about it. She melted into Shimon’s rigid embrace and soaked up his tough love. Surprisingly, it felt good. Shimon broke away from the embrace first. We did have to return home to the slews of relatives waiting to take a shot of whiskey in our honor.

The vort was scheduled for the following Sunday. In the days leading up to the engagement party, Shimon presented Rena with a beautiful diamond tennis bracelet and three stone classic engagement ring. Rena proudly sported both of these items with her newfound status as an engaged woman. There was much to do before the wedding. She needed a gown, a trousseau, sheva brachos clothes, shaitels, and most importantly of all, a kallah teacher. Among the myriad of kallah teachers, Rena chose Mrs. Rothstein, the shadchan rabbi rothsteins wife. She had a stellar reputation and her husband had made her shidduch after all. It seemed like hakaras hatov. Prior to her vort, Rena had one session with her kallah teacher and they spoke about the very important things like putting your husband first and the kedusha of a Jewish marriage. It was uplifting.

At her vort, Rena sparkled and wowed all her guests. In her black floral dress and designer stilettos, she looked like the ultimate kallah. Many of her friends showed up to the party, after all they were young (age 20) and her vort was excellent exposure for them. Avigayil, her one married friend, made an effort to come to the part as well.

“OMG, Rena, you look fantastic!” Avigayil gushed “mamish gorgeous. Mazal tov, Mazal tov!” She continued as she wrapped Rena in for a smashing hug

“Thank you” Rena answered blushing “I hope you’ll make it to the wedding. It’s going to be in nine weeks…” she alluded to Avigayil’s baby bump

“Yes yes, if all goes well, I will be there to dance with you. But nine weeks? That gives us very little time to get you ready with the kallah teacher.”

“Oh” Rena said nonchalantly “I’m already using Mrs. Rothstein. She’s great. We already met once, it was lovely”

“Oh Rena” Avigayil laughed “you’re too cute. Of course you’re using Mrs. Rothstein and you’ll continue to use her but there is someone else that will teach you the really important skills if you know what I mean”

Rena blushed

“Of course I do. But how does that make work? Don’t I have to wait until after I’m married to really practice?”

“You mean to tell me that you and Shimon are entirely shomer?” Avigayil asked curiously

“Well…” Rena stammered

“I knew it. Ok. I’m going to text you the woman’s number tomorrow. Her name is Mimi and to be honest, she is sexy as fuck. Tell her Avigayil sent you to her. She’ll know why. Anyways my husband is waiting outside in the car and I need to go. But Mazal tov girl, you really look fantastic”

Rena hugged her friend again and was left wondering what to do. Mrs. Rothstein seemed like a very good kallah teacher and she wasn’t about to drop her just because Avigayil said so, but would it be so terrible if she hired a second teacher? One to maybe teach her some more practical skills to keep Shimon a happy husband?

At the end of the vort, everyone went back to Rena’s house, including Shimon and family. While everyone was chatting and laughing, Rena noticed Shimon wasn’t in the room. She slipped out and found him reading a book on NYC traffic patterns in the living room.

“Hey babe” she said with a smile

“Hi Rena” Shimon said looking up for the briefest of moments

“I had an interesting conversation with Avigayil tonight at the vort. She suggested I get a second kallah teacher to teach me some other stuff. A second opinion sort of”

“Go for it” shimon said “hey Rena, did you know that there are very few traffic circles in New York City?”

“No but that’s fascinating” Rena answered trying to seem interested “I’m going to go rejoin the others in the kitchen. Feel free to come along”

Rena stood up and left the room. If she couldn’t get Shimon’s full attention with conversation, maybe learning some sex skills wouldn’t be the worst idea. She made up her mind. Tomorrow she would call Mimi the kallah teacher and set up her first session with her.