“Rena, please come downstairs. We need to talk”

It was Tuesday night and shimon was paging me to the kitchen. I had just stepped out of the shower having taken one of those long ones; you know the ones where you wash your hair, shave your legs, and exfoliate your whole body. Refreshed from this Olympic style shower, I grabbed my short white terry robe and fastened it around my waist. I came down the steps while simultaneously towel drying my hair with a small towel.

“I’m here darling, what do we need to talk about? It sounded rather urgent”

“Not urgent, but important”

“Is it in regard to last weeks kiddush at our house?”

Shimon and I had yet to talk about it. We both knew it was a success and had helped him socially, but for some reason, neither one of us could bring it up. Maybe it was because I was fucked by other guys or perhaps he felt embarrassed or annoyed because he watched it, but whatever it was, we hadn’t discussed it yet. No doubt it was at the forefront of both our minds.

“Good job, it is” shimon answered “I’m not sure what to say, but I think we should do it again. Chaim and tzvi have been messaging me nonstop since Motzai Shabbos telling me how much fun they had and Danny let me know he heard all about the newest kiddush club in town and would love an invite”

“Danny???” I asked in shock “shaindy’s husband? The one who is still sitting and learning while they have four kids? That Danny?”

“Well do you know of any other Danny on the block?” Shimon asked rhetorically

I didn’t and I wasn’t about to answer. Apparently I had become the talk of town and rather fast. While I wanted to help my husband in any way I could, I did feel a little uncomfortable with my newfound isha zona status. There was only one thing to do; I needed to level the playing field. I’d host the kiddush club again, but there would have to be someone modifications.

“I’ll start planning the menu for this week” I told shimon

“We still have some macallan 18 left from last week” shimon said absently.

I looked up and noticed that he had already returned to reading the latest article from the economist. I sighed and headed up the stairs. It was time to brainstorm. Creating a menu would be the easy part, the beef jerky was such a smashing success I figured I’d buy two more flavors this week. I’d probably just put up a larger cholent this week to add to the menu. Still, I wasn’t entirely sure how I was going to make sure my reputation stayed intact. I went to sleep and decided to deal with it the next morning.

The following day, in between dropping off Mordechai and Menucha, the idea came to me. I would insist that all the other wives come along with the same intent in mind; to please everyone else’s husbands. It was the only way. Problem was, shimon was not nearly persuasive enough to convince everyone to do that. I’d have to take matters into my own hands.

While shimon was putting the kids to sleep, I went through his phone and got all the guys numbers. I typed out a generic message letting them know it was Rena and that they should call me regarding the kiddush club at their earliest convenience. Tzvi responded almost immediately asking if now was a good time to call. I told him it was and my phone rang.

“Hi tzvi” I answered

“Well if it isn’t the sexiest wife in the neighborhood” he answered

I giggled at his dumb attempt at flirting.

“I just might be, but I do have a request regarding the kiddush club. You see, I cannot become the sole wife who is being used by the neighborhood men. You’re going to have to bring Yael along to the kiddush this week and she will have to participate.”

“She would never agree” tzvi answered almost too fast

“Oh yes she would. Just threaten to take away her credit card. You make all the money and she doesn’t work. She should listen and do whatever you want of her”

It was silent for a moment on the other end of the line.

“Ok” tzvi responded “you’re right. The threat of no credit card would get Yael to agree. But I’m just warning you, she’s a prude.”

“Doesn’t matter. She won’t be by 12:00 on Shabbos. I’ll see you both then” I hung up.

The next five conversations went fairly the same way. It took Danny a lot more to convince him to bring along Shaindy but I knew you badly he wanted to participate.

“Don’t come if you can’t bring her” I told him “you can’t expect me to put out for you if she won’t put out for shimon”

He tried reasoning with me but my position was final; bring Shaindy or don’t come at all. He was two and half days to convince her.