Hello to anyone reading. I'm a 20 year old college student. I have a friend group that I've had since middle and high school. I've known them for so long and yet I feel like I'm a side character. I hardly get any social interaction with them or with anyone for that matter. I maybe hang out with them one or twice a year the rest of the time I'm so alone and I have little to no social interaction. I don't have a girlfriend either and that makes me feel empty. I know that's my fault just like it's my fault for not hanging out more with my other friends. But I was used to this. For so many years I had been alone to the point where it was just in the back of my mind eating away at me. So many years. But recently I went to my friend's birthday party and it hit me, the pain of that damn loneliness. I met with a friend I hadn't seen in maybe 2 years and he hugged me tightly and I felt so happy and I felt loved and I got attention. It was bittersweet though because it made me realize how alone I really felt. Also at the party I saw that my friends had a group chat and that I wasn't in it. I know they like me otherwise they wouldn't have invited me but then why am I not in the group chat? It feels like my friends are very close with each other and I'm just someone on the side that they like. But I want to be close with them too, I want to be how they are with eachother. I keep asking myself why didn't they add me to the group chat because I think the answer to that question is also the answer to the more important question which is why am I not closer to them, or why didn't they think of me when they made the group chat. I'm so lonely, the pain is very hard to deal with right now and I'm just focusing on everything I lack and have lacked for my entire life. I've been dealing with this for so many years It's driving me crazy. I don't know what to do or if I should say anything.