Throughout my relationship history, I've consistently treated women with respect and adhered to traditional expectations of a partner. However, I struggle significantly with fidelity, a pattern that has ultimately led to the dissolution of my relationships. My upbringing influences this behavior; raised solely by my mother, I witnessed her infidelity from an early age. She often rationalized her actions, stating her lack of commitment was contingent on not being married, which ingrained in me a perception that infidelity could be a normalized aspect of relationships.

One prominent example of this pattern is my relationship with Jasmine. We met when I was 15 and experienced an intermittent relationship that persisted until my senior year of high school. During our time together, she frequently initiated breakups. In our final reconnection, I cheated on her, justifying my betrayal with the belief that she would inevitably leave me again. Following our last breakup, I fell into a deep depression, resulting in significant weight loss (approximately 20 pounds), job resignation, and excessive binge-watching of television as an escape mechanism At the time, I was unaware of the underlying reasons for my emotional state, leading me to seek validation and healing through relationships with women. At 18, I began a romantic relationship with a girl named Julie, who would eventually become the mother of my child. Our initial connection was primarily maintained through phone conversations, eventually evolving into a long-distance relationship. However, I soon realized that I struggled with the lack of physical intimacy and affection inherent in long-distance dynamics, prompting me to terminate the relationship.

Subsequently, I engaged with another individual I met through a dating app. While she had a kind demeanor, her pervasive depression began to take a toll on my own mental health, leading me to create distance between us. As I navigated this emotional turmoil, I reestablished contact with Julie. She informed me of her intention to visit my state, and I made the decision to end my previous relationship to pursue what I believed was a healthier connection with her.

When Julie arrived, we quickly formed a strong bond, feeling like a formidable couple facing the world together. Motivated by this sense of unity, I made the significant decision to relocate from Kentucky to Florida, departing from my established social support network. Initially, our situation appeared promising; however, it soon became apparent that Julie had misrepresented her plans regarding our living arrangements. She had assured me that suitable housing would be available shortly after my arrival and that her parents were fine with me staying with them until we secured an apartment.

Upon discovering the deception, I was ready to return to Kentucky. To my surprise, Julie expressed a desire to accompany me, leading me to acquiesce to her request despite the troubling circumstances. Julie did not inform her parents of her decision to leave, which led to their frantic attempts to persuade her to stay. Similarly, she implored me to remain and assist her in navigating her circumstances. I felt compelled not to return home, fearing it would signify my failure after just one month in Florida. During this period, her brother provided us with accommodation in a separate unit on a large property. I successfully secured employment, and shortly thereafter, Julie discovered she was pregnant. I recently found myself in a complicated personal situation that I believe warrants a detailed analysis. I had achieved a significant milestone by purchasing my first home, supported by my family, and was thriving in a well-paying job that offered excellent benefits. The birth of my son marked a transformative moment in my life, bringing immense joy and fulfillment.

However, the journey took a challenging turn when my partner experienced difficulties during her pregnancy, which exacerbated her postpartum depression. Despite my efforts to provide emotional support and maintain her happiness, her mental health struggles led to increased tension in the relationship, manifesting in physical altercations.

In an attempt to cope, I sought emotional solace in another woman, which ultimately triggered feelings of betrayal in my partner. Although we reconciled for the sake of our child, the underlying issues persisted and intensified. My partner began seeking connections with other men, contributing to the deterioration of our relationship, prompting my decision to separate from her in November 2023.

During this period of transition, I met Diana, who has profoundly impacted my life. I regard her as a remarkable individual—intelligent, compassionate, and captivating. Every moment spent together felt like a dream, leading me to believe she could potentially be my ideal partner. However, my ongoing physical relationship with my ex-partner did not cease, and when this came to light, it further complicated my circumstances.

Currently, I find myself in a state of confusion and regret. Despite expressing my desire to transform and become a better partner, my ex-partner remains skeptical of my intentions. I deeply wish to reconcile with her, yet I fear she may have reached her limit with our relationship. I am aware of the underlying issues contributing to my behavior but struggle to identify effective strategies for personal improvement. I seek guidance on how to navigate this situation and develop into a better man, as I would profoundly appreciate any help in this endeavor.