Ok so . I have always been romantic. I love the idea of falling in love with someone and getting close gradually. I love all the trappings of romantic love. I am a trans woman and I didn’t really get to experience the rituals of courtship i think most teenagers got to participate in up until i was 19 or so. The thing is , i always felt sexual attraction and wanted to have sex but i wanted to wait til i was in love. By the time i was 19 i had never kissed anyone or had sex and felt very much like a freak. I met some random old man offline and he took my virginity. I did not enjoy it but it became a pattern of behavior where i would meet men offline and have sex and go home and feel guiltyeven if i enjoyed the sex . My first boyfriend was long distance ( in another state ) and i loved him and loved having a boyfriend but we never really had penetrative sex . He then cheated on me and that was that. Ive only ever been in a relationship with one person that i loved having sex with and we were only together for a month. I got married a couple yearsback and at first we had sex all the time because i wanted to please him. I found him attractive and he was romantic and sweet . But overtime i couldnt keep having sex with him and not getting off …..that’s the other thing- no one ive had sex with has ever made me orgasm…..like ever ( this is not an invitation to message me and volunteer to try) . I don’t know what i am . I love love , and romance and sweet nothings. I love the idea of making love or enjoying sex with someone i love , but it’s never happened to me in person. Sometimes i wonder what it would be like. Sometimes i think maybe im just better on my own. Either way i am NOT ready to date or fool around or anything. Any guidance would be greatly appreciated.